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Ear’s to Aging!

You know you’re beyond sex when swabbing your inner ear drums feels better than a climax. 

Now that I have your attention, and back to ears, I was teased about mine in my youth. “Tee-hee-hee,” kids taunted, “your ears are abnormally small.”

OK, they were too young for the word “abnormally,” but that’s what they meant.

Well, I’ve got some sad news for you over-50s survivors – YOUR EARS ARE GONNA KEEP ON GROWING TIL THE DAY YOU DIE!!

And maybe beyond, who knows?

Anyhoo, mine are not only normal sized now but they may be a little over sized.

“Colleen, tell me the truth (don’t you dare!),” I say to my hair colorist. “I used to be self-conscious about my mini ears but they’ve grown. Are they too big now?”

“Ha, ha, ha,” she answers. “I used to get teased too about mine being too small when I was a kid.”

Now we’re bonding. 

I measure mine with my pointing finger and hold it up to hers.

 “Yeah,” I trill, vindicated, “Ours are about the same.”

The reason this is so compelling is that from the time I was a pubescent girl, dad would never let me have a cute ear-baring cut with little wispy sideburns.

“You’ll look like a French _____,” he’d bark. 

So, here’s to you, dad, I’m now beyond sex and no heads will be turning at my new French do.

And another horror: Did you know that many of us (moi) get wrinkles not only behind our ears but in front of them? We can cover them but, sheesh, I always thought such degradation belonged to large ancient men who also had thatches of hair sprouting from their ears. 

This hasn’t happened to me yet, but with aging – anything goes. 

They say the good die young, right? Well, only the courageous die old . . .


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