Ear’s to Aging!
You know you’re beyond sex when swabbing your inner ear drums
feels better than a climax.
Now that I have your attention,
and back to ears, I was teased about mine in my youth. “Tee-hee-hee,”
kids taunted, “your ears are abnormally small.”
OK, they were too young for the word “abnormally,” but that’s
what they meant.
Well, I’ve got some sad news for you over-50s survivors – YOUR
EARS ARE GONNA KEEP ON GROWING TIL THE DAY YOU DIE!!
And maybe beyond, who knows?
Anyhoo, mine are not only normal sized now but they may be a
little over sized.
“Colleen, tell me the truth (don’t you dare!),” I say to my hair
colorist. “I used to be self-conscious about my mini ears but
they’ve grown. Are they too big now?”
“Ha, ha, ha,” she answers. “I used to get teased too about mine
being too small when I was a kid.”
Now we’re bonding.
I measure mine with my pointing finger and hold it up to hers.
“Yeah,” I trill, vindicated, “Ours are about the same.”
The reason this is so compelling is that from the time I was a
pubescent girl, dad would never let me have a cute ear-baring
cut with little wispy sideburns.
“You’ll look like a French _____,” he’d bark.
So, here’s to you, dad, I’m now beyond sex and no heads will be
turning at my new French do.
And another horror: Did you know that many of us (moi) get
wrinkles not only behind our ears but in front of them? We can
cover them but, sheesh, I always thought such degradation
belonged to large ancient men who also had thatches of hair
sprouting from their ears.
This hasn’t happened to me yet, but with aging – anything goes.
They say the good die young, right? Well, only the courageous
die old . . .